ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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