She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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