dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
