She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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