I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
