i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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