you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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