The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
