Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
