Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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