we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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