omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
