Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
