your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
