I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
