So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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