OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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