There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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