The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
