Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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