you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
