His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
