My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
