id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
