I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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