You're my little dorito
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
