the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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