but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
