His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
