He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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