He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
