my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
