where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
