I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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