DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
