the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
