I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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