Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
