someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
