it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
