So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
