What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
