It's like God shit irony all over that family
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
