ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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