I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
