it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
