Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
