I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
