The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
