My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
