PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
