do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
